Be Afraid!

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I spent the last two weeks exploring southern California. I flew out there with my daughters so that the oldest could go to a summer program at UCLA (Spoiler - she loved it so I need you to click on that ad below so I can start saving for that out of state tuition!) The youngest spent a week at Sea World learning all about animal care and conservation. I spent that week holed up in a timeshare finishing my book (and having a couple of really great meetings!)

I did get the chance to spend one on one time with each of my daughters as I drove them to camp. We sang really loud, we talked, we stared at the bumpers of the traffic on the 5.

In the midst of the conversation, I asked “how are you feeling?”

Both replied quickly “I am afraid of going.”

In my previous life as a boss of humans, and an aloof dad, I would have responded “there is nothing to be afraid of” or “don’t be scared!”

But over the past couple of years, as I have studied human interactions, I have come to realize that one persons’ fear can exist when others do not, and that the standard response of “don’t be” is not helpful and, in fact, invalidates their feelings and erodes any level of trust you have built.

So - after several years of drilling this into my brain, I responded in a way that I would suggest is much better.

“That is ok - we all have fear.” and then “do it anyway!”

The conversation took a completely different route, because we got to talk about the opportunity rather than the what-ifs. I had given them the freedom to feel fear, which we all need, but had turned it around by continuing on with “Do it anyway.”

It is a simple framework: acknowledge the feelings as valid because all feelings are valid regardless of how unreasonable you might think they are. Once you validate them, chart the “anyway” path.

It works for teams, it works for kids, it works for spouses, and it works for the person staring back at you in the mirror.

On my blueprint, it is called FILDIA, and I have said it more times than not lately. I will let you guess what it means.

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